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Sounds Like Black Metal

by Ptarmigan

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1.
IN PRAISE OF SATAN The mighty Beast unleashes wrath For we do not sing unto Him A Scandinavian obsession But we share it not Tempting as it is on occasion We've spilled no Christian blood In praise of Satan Burn Christ in effigy, or something In praise of Satan Sarcastic blasphemy We're totally phoning it in Cuz we just want You off our back We come before Thee insincere See it in our eyes Be proud of our diabolic ways For we beseech Thee with lies In praise of Satan Empty words flow from me In praise of Satan A mockery of Thee There's nothing really more to try It's all been done At least you and all chthonic gods Made black metal fun In praise of Satan For being so inspiring In praise of Satan Finally we sing for You
2.
Ikke vær så alvorlig In the cold and frosty waste, far north of Norway (lengst nord i Norge) Santa's elves outdo all Vikings in playing speed and sheer brutality Put to shame by fucking elves Is it Santa or Satan? Far be it from me to try to figure out from whence comes your sense of superiority With your mashup of the pantheons Satan and Odin are one The Father is His opposite? Pardon me, but it doesn't make sense Your völkisch bullshit is betrayed by the fact that y'all don't fucking care about your own Corpse paint brings power! The power to take pictures when you find the suicide of some alleged friend If it's so fucking metal, you should have done it first! Corpse paint brings power! The power to burn churches And to be a douchebag and get murdered on the stairs By one you tried to mentor, and now the kids all think he's great When you use lipstick and makeup remover on a regular basis, how much of a badass can you be? In a world tuned down to F#, you're grinding high, octaves away. Crank the treble! Spit out screeches, use keyboards, go on all day I doubt the dark forest appreciates all this racket With the coming of Ragnarök Or is it Germanic Armageddon? A whole lot of nothing shall pass, like Y2K Satan says learn to fucking laugh at yourselves (Ikke vær så alvorlig. Le av deg selv.)
3.
I AM THE ONE, AS FORETOLD I sit in darkness and stench, a lighter in my right hand Boils the crystals in the glass, suck vapors from the other end Now I'm back on my task, appointed demon of wrath Offering blood to the Beast He chose me from all you wretched scum He chose me I am The One, as foretold Your stupid lives, your stupid selves I will sacrifice to Hell Your eyes cannot see my true glory Oh when will you see the light? My power is true, I can seal your doom I wait for my time to strike Another victim for my altar Defenseless, innocent and oh so pure of mind With every scream, with every chant, with every drop of blood spilled I come ever closer to my aim To honorably discharge my duties to the Beast To finally be anointed at His left hand To desecrate all mankind's temples to losers To become my own God I feel the surging Miracles now I create I shall not be denied I have been branded with The Sign I control the flow of time (orbit of planets, control is mine) I have crossed the blurry line between here and forever I know the shadows beyond the gates They promise me everything and more once I finish you all off Now to dispose of the body Can barely stay awake; must have slept the past three days I feel like total shit; I've been abandoned by the Dark Lord Oh so desolate inside My prayers unanswered; no more supply It would be better to die Need one fucking hit, one breath of life To return Satan to my mind Your eyes cannot see my true glory Oh when will you see the light? My power is true, I can seal your doom I wait for my time to strike Your eyes cannot see my true glory You never will see my light
4.
ANGELS OF THE SEVENTH DAWN We all take flight by the light of the morn. We shall destroy all those who bear the Mark of the Beast Vestments of white gather around us As we doth fly through realms of eternity Like Gabriel, I taketh my trumpet to blow My minions doth grind, and screech, and blast to excess What of Jörmangandr? Or Mithras and his sacred bull? We eat your mythologies then we shit out this mess In crucibles of the firmament sky We shall alloy all the powers that will ever be When comes the light of the dawn and our unicorns awake Then we shall wrest control of the everlasting Rising past Saturday, angels of the seventh dawn Meeting our enemies just guarantees that they'll fall So what of God, his Son, demons or their spawn? If Allah wills it, by Shiva, we'll destroy them all At the sound of the trumpet blasts, we will launch the attack You'll see the blazing fury in our eyes, and feel our ruthlessness The order to slay will bring forth Valhalla's warriors Once more will Naglfar sail the seas, once occurs the awaited arrival of Satan Flexing muscles till they snap Clenching teeth until they crack We are ready It's come -- Ragnarök The final battle for all Divisions in place Sharpening my blade Sacrifice made Eternal debt repaid Total fucking holocaust Terminating, annihilating, blowing to pieces and ripping to shreds No language contains the words to describe how brutal this is As we explore a now desolate creation We cannot help but think of what we've achieved For we have kept the Sabbath day holy Purified of all else existing Oh holy shit, it wasn't supposed to go this far None alive remain A planet laid to waste Flattened cities, barren plains All afterlives are smoking fucking wreckage But the underworlds persist And darkness engulfs the Earth

about

The Bird of Brutality returns in this EP to emulate, interpret and castigate a panorama of classic Scandinavian styles.

While PTARMIGAN has taken inspiration from there before, this effort focuses on (and wallows) in it. Here you'll find no bouncing from genre to genre. Gone, too, are the low tunings and toilet humor. Yet "Sounds Like Black Metal" retains the basics of PTARMIGAN's sound, including the absurd sense of half-assedly trying too hard.

The EP seems to take itself very seriously. But then it seems to provide strong evidence to the contrary. One either gets it or doesn't, I suppose...

credits

released October 22, 2014

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Ptarmigan

Two decades of stupid insanity and metal. Any metal. You can't tell us what to do. Enjoy it. Or not. We don't care.

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